FRIENDS!
I wrote the below post a week or two ago, and now, with all the tragic and heroic and terrifying things happening on the other side of the world, a familiar question arises: Is it frivolous to dedicate time to gratitude? Instead of writing cards to long-lost friends, shouldn’t we all be hunkered down watching the news, or researching places to donate or….? (I mean, yes, please donate! But that only takes a moment.)
But then I come back to something I said in the first chapter of my book: “And yes, the news seemed to signal the end of days, with reports of creeping corruption and greed. But if it was the end of days, did I want to spend it burrowing in my phone, scared and alone? Or did I want to spend it forging and strengthening connections and expressing gratitude for the world’s many kindnesses?”
All to say: I know from experience that if you are feeling sad and lost, reaching out to friends can help—so welcome to your Friends month! Mine was one of my most impactful—but not for the ways that you might think.
Instead of mailing cards in my Friends month, I decided to send out old pictures that I turned into postcards. If you’ve read my book, this story will be familiar. Basically, I couldn’t apply my “neighbors” framework to my friends month. For my neighbors, I identified a favor they’d done for me, and thanked them for it. But the idea of retrieving decades-old memories about specific favors seemed difficult, and contrary to the point of friendship, which isn’t really about favors at all.
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