Change is in the air…

How to ease the transition

Is it just me, or does it feel like there is an incredible amount of change in the air? If you feel like you’re in the midst of transition right now, career or personal, know that you are not alone. 

My book I Want to Thank You came out one year ago yesterday. Earlier this month I started going through pictures from the year, including the one below, which my husband took on April 12, 2021, right after I appeared on The Today Show. I turned the pictures into this little 15-second retrospective, using for the audio a somewhat melancholy version of Dido’s “I Want to Thank You,” which was, weirdly, trending this week. At first I thought I should find something cheerier, but the song actually matched my mood, which was, truthfully, a little sad.

I keep thinking about Life is in the Transitions by Bruce Feiler; I listened to the audiobook. Feiler interviewed more than 100 people about how they coped with major life changes, “lifequakes,” as he called them, and he started noticing a pattern: Transitions are where the defining, positive parts of a life occur. He tells story after story about how the hardest times in a person’s life are where they find their purpose, or their partner, or a life-changing hobby. So, while a transition is happening it is difficult (and takes longer than you expect), in retrospect you often look back and feel grateful for it. (A quick note to say: I understand that the anniversary of my publishing a book is not on par with, say, divorce or death, and I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me.)

Transitions have three stages: the goodbye to the old, the hello to the new, and the in-between, which Feiler calls the messy middle. He emphasizes how important it is to ritualize these passages. I’ve been feeling like I needed a way to say goodbye to this year of my debut book.

I decided to write a gratitude letter to myself. 

Listen, it sounds cheesy and silly, or at least I thought so. But I challenged myself to do this as one of my New Year’s Resolutions, and I figured, what the hell. No one’s watching. 

I started out feeling self-conscious, wondering if “writing in this journal is cheating—if I should write on stationery?” Then I added, “But never mind, here goes.”

I closed my computer and turned over my phone, following my usual advice to set aside distractions and think about the person and what they mean to you/what they did for you. I thought for three or four seconds before bursting into tears. I noted this in the journal, and posited, “I’ve been using my phone as an anxiety crutch, to kind of NOT think these thoughts.” 

And then I started. “Dear Gina,” I wrote. “Thank you for believing in yourself and your ideas and creativity. Thank you for listening and paying attention to the thoughts you were having about the thank you notes—how they were scratching an itch, and how the year-long project would play out. Thank you for taking that germ of an idea and running with it—actually taking it seriously and writing the notes. And then, of course, thank you for taking the time and putting your ego away and not only writing a proposal and first chapter, but then, after receiving criticism, brushing yourself off and rewriting the proposal and sample chapter. All of the above—how many unpaid hours does this represent?”

Here are some excerpts from the rest of the letter:

“I so missed the simplicity of being the Travel Editor of Food & Wine. Simple, clearly defined, easy to understand. I’ve done so many scattered projects since then. I was imagining that this book might be a bridge to another clearly defined career—memoirist? Nonfiction author? Gratitude speaker? But I think the book has been an interlude instead—and I can’t deny that I’m sad about that. Because I loved it so much—writing it. I had this thought once when I was in bed. I was imagining opening my google folders in the morning and continuing to write the chapter I was in, and I thought, That’s my favorite place. To my sleepy mind, it was if my book-in-progress was a place, one that was beloved to me.

“The book is perhaps not merely a career interlude but a branch of my tree. I’ve been feeling so jealous of people whose careers look like this [picture of rocketship]. Mine is more like this [picture of tree].

“There is something exciting and beautiful about imagining myself, every day, climbing this tree, jumping from one branch to another, pruning what’s not working and cultivating what is. I want to thank you for not getting discouraged (too often), for jumping from one branch to another with some level of grace, some of the time.”

This thank you note to myself, which I started with skepticism, became a 26-page, truly helpful way for me to process this transition. 

I am not new to journaling. I’ve been doing it all my life. When I look back at old journals, there are a lot of big feelings, because I generally write when I have something to process. This change in perspective, addressing the note to myself, and coming at it from a place of gratitude instead of simply airing out grievances, felt especially healing and helpful. (Ever since writing it, I have found fresh excitement and energy for my new projects and clients.)

In the mailbox that very night was a letter from Faith, who lives in Jacksonville, FL. Here’s what she wrote:

“I wanted to say thank you for your book, I Want to Thank You! I started it at the end of 2021, when my partner’s mom was on the last few days of her battle with cancer. I’d listen to it when walking our dogs/looking for an escape. Your book inspired me to write one card a week because 52 felt more manageable than 365. It is week 12 and this is my 40th card! His dad recently passed too, and I find myself writing as a way to cope by appreciating all the people who are still in my life.”

What a privilege this has been, talking to you and hearing from you. I’m so grateful we have this newsletter to keep the conversation going, even though my book year is up.

xo
G

P.S. Click below to share this email with someone you’re grateful for?

GIVEAWAY
I’m speaking at the Think Better, Live Better in Orlando on Memorial Day Weekend, and the organizers, Marc and Angel, offered this community two free tickets. If you’d be interested in joining, reply to this email to be entered to win!

PREORDERS
Bruce Feiler, who wrote Life is in the Transitions, was SO NICE to blurb my book, aka say nice things about it that are printed on the back. Two other amazing authors who blurbed my book, Emma Straub and A.J. Jacobs, have books coming out next month. I am so excited for both—here are the links to preorder (preorders are so important to authors!).

Emma Straub, This Time Tomorrow: Time travel! The 90s!

AJ Jacobs, The Puzzler: Deep dive into my beloved NYT spelling bee and more!