Bringing gratitude into the office
Three lessons from my one-hour talk and workshop
Oh, hello! It has been a minute!
Last week I was in Asheville, North Carolina, giving a one-hour talk and workshop to an 80-person company whose brand-new value is gratitude. (Upon hearing this, my 8-year-old said, “So, you are getting paid because you are nice?” Not exactly, Charlie!)
I organized the talk around three lessons I learned in what I call my Thank You Year, when I sent out 365 thank you notes to friends, neighbors, authors, mentors, and much more. Here are just a few snippets from my talk. It was such fun sharing these pieces of wisdom, Ted Talk-style.
1. It’s never too late to thank someone!
Traditional thank you note wisdom dictates that you send the note quickly. It’s kind of the only thank you note rule. And that makes sense for a traditional thank you note, which is really a confirmation of receipt. “Thank you for the sweater.” “Thank you for the Lego set.”
But when you’re thanking a person for something they did or said—rather than for an object they gave you—there is no statute of limitations. Not only that: The longer you wait to send a gratitude note, the more it means to the person.
2. People overestimate the awkwardness of a heartfelt thank you, and they underestimate its impact.
A friend told me the idea of sending out unsolicited gratitude notes made her feel “squirmy.” Isn’t it awkward, she said, reaching out to say this kind of ooey-gooey, heartfelt thank you for something that happened years ago?
Well, yes! What I mean is, it feels awkward. It’s pretty much the least cool thing a person can do. Almost every gratitude note took a bit of bravery at the mailbox.
But all of my notes, all 365, were well-received. The phrase I heard most often from recipients? ‘“This made my day.”
Which, what a nice thing, when you think about it—that a few minutes of your time and a postage stamp can make a person’s day.
The other phrase I was hearing from recipients really surprised me. A lot of people said something along the lines of, “I’m going through a tough time right now, and this helped.’” Which was very powerful to me, because I never would have known that person was going through something if I hadn’t reached out.
3. Feeling gratitude is wonderful, but the real magic happens when you express your gratitude to others.
Many studies have shown that gratitude is good for your mental health. Amazingly, it also improves your physical health. A 2017 study proved that gratitude lowers your heart rate. And studies show that people who keep gratitude journals exercise more regularly, get more sleep, and experience fewer symptoms of illness and recover from illness faster.
So there is a compelling case to start a gratitude journal. But gratitude journals aren’t for everyone. I abandoned four gratitude journals in my life. But writing thank you notes was a practice that stuck for me. Instead of keeping my gratitude trapped in a notebook on my nightstand, I was sending it out into the world, and that’s when things started to get interesting.
When you turn gratitude from a feeling, that you perhaps write in a book, into an action, that you send into the world—those expressions of gratitude will strengthen your ties, both weak and strong.
Then, in the last 20 minutes, I cajoled the people in the room to express their gratitude for A) their external colleagues—I heard about a particularly friendly Citibank teller, to give one example and then B) their internal colleagues, aka each other! About a dozen people stood up and gave shoutouts. They listened to my advice and were extremely specific in their thanks—one man talked about how his boss helped him wade through the red tape of buying a house, and both men teared up. I’ll tell you, it’s incredibly satisfying to make adults cry happy tears. A win all around.
I’ve done gratitude talks before, but this one felt extra special, and I want to do it again soon! If your company could use a gratitude speaker at their next retreat, give a holler. (Also, I was reminded that talk of thank you notes really hits down South, so bonus points if you could intro me to Southern-based companies!)
For the new faces in this lovely crowd, here’s an unorthodox, bottom-of-the-page introduction to me and my work. (Substackers generally start their it’s-been-a-minute newsletters with a quick intro, but I wanted to get right into my gratitude talk!)
I’m Gina Hamadey, writer and former food and travel editor (Food & Wine, Rachael Ray Every Day, O magazine). I wrote the book I Want to Thank You: How a Year of Gratitude Can Bring Joy and Meaning in a Disconnected World.
In this newsletter I mostly write about gratitude—but not in a cheesy way. I’ve also written about what I learned on my family’s first international trip (a mixed bag!) and what to say to someone who’s been laid off (hard-won advice and my most popular post to date).
Aside from book recs—I have read nearly 50 books so far this year, so many good ones, will share next time—I don’t write about stuff to buy. No affiliate links here! Listen, the the internet is a marketplace—buy now before it’s too late!—and I’m trying to shift my focus from stuff to people. Maybe that’s what this newsletter is about; maybe that’s what gratitude is about?
That’s not to say I am above a petty grievance! (That email includes this nice little line: “It’s become a cliché, that women become invisible as we age. But if we’re treated like ghosts, we might as well start haunting.”)
Thank you for being here to talk gratitudes and grievances (new newsletter title?). I’m trying to get back into a more regular posting schedule, so talk soon!
Xo
G
FUN LINK Age gap friendships!
LIFE REC Unsubscribing from newsletters! On Labor Day, I had such fun clicking “unsubscribe” on dozens of sales emails that came through. My quality of life has improved at least 15% ever since. (Just don’t unsubscribe to mine pls!!!!) My fellow TarcherPerigee author Courtney Carver of Be More With Less would approve.
POSTCARD It was my first time in Asheville, NC, and I want to go back! I stayed at the Foundry—recommend—and loved meals at Chai Pani (Indian street food FTW) and Benne on Eagle (how can I get more creamy grits in my life?). In my last two hours in town I walked along the river from 12 Bones (Obama-approved ribs and cornbread!) to the Wednesday farmer’s market, popping into a few of the many artists’ studios along the way. Next visit I need to try Curate and the BBQ place my cab driver recommended, Big J’s Bubba-Q, and go on a hike in those surrounding green mountains.
